Your Life. Your Way.
This pounding headache is just as real as those puffy, bloodshot eyes. The twisted mangled sheets are nothing compared to the disaster left in the wake of last night.
As the haze begins to clear, fear and panic come to the control tower. Sitting next to them, watching through scornful eyes, is shame. Ever so happy to make sure everyone understands exactly what happened, pointing fingers at anger and jealously, fear and emptiness, allowing lousy and sad to join us at the control tower.
Perfect. They have me exactly where they want me. Wallowing in self pity, sinking under the weighted blanket that will keep us safe in the darkness. If we just stay here, we will be hidden. No need to crowd the room, we don’t need anyone else in here, let’s just cuddle in here together. Safe within our perfectly constructed walls.
Your Turn
For this exercise to work well, personalize it.
At some point in your life, you experienced something akin to what I just described.
Sift through your memory bank and pluck whichever memory you feel is right for you today.
You choose something, really deep down if you want, or keep it not-so-heavy. You will know which memory is good for you to pluck out for review.
Got one? Perfect!
Your Life * Time Warp
Go back to that moment.
Take a few minutes to really think about it.
- Look around. Get your bearings. Remember the ‘feel’ of where you physically were.
- Are you sitting, walking, laying down?
- Who is with you? Are you alone?
- What just happened? What is the wake of disaster that has you in this moment?
- What did you do and who did you do it with or to?
- Or was it done to you? Who did it and how?
- List all the emotions you are feeling.
- Take notice of all the thoughts swirling in your head.
Good job. Now take a deep breathe. You are safe.
Let’s continue….
What do THEY have to say?
This exercise is about YOU. No one else but you. Move everyone else aside.
Now, go into your head and take stock of who shows up. This will define your ‘They’.
In my story, ‘They’ are fear, panic, shame, anger, jealousy, emptiness, lousy, sad, pity.
Now, let’s look at what ‘They’ had to say.
In my example, this is what ‘They’ had to say:
- Shame: Look what you did. You should be ashamed of yourself.
- Fear: Nobody will love me now. I am alone.
- Panic: Oh my gosh, I have to fix this, oh my gosh, do something – NOW!
- Anger: How could I have done this? Fists are in a ball. Stupid piece of sh*$.
- Jealousy: Why can’t I be more like her. She handles everything effortlessly?
- Emptiness: It’s not worth it, there’s nothing more for me to do.
- Lousy: Everything is pulled down, I can’t even stand up.
- Sad: My heart hurts, I hurt inside, I cry.
- Pity: Wo is me. Wo is my life. I’ll just stay here forever.
‘They’ are a complete disaster. Total chaos, running amuck.
As you think about your selected memory, who are ‘they’? What are ‘They’ are saying?
Grab a piece of paper and a pen. Write down who ‘they’ are and what ‘they’ are saying to you.
Note: Bee’nYOUnique is not providing mental health care; it is not providing psychological advise. If you need help, please call 988. ย “The 988 Lifeline provides 24/7, confidential support to people in suicidal crisis or mental health-related distress. By calling or texting 988, youโll connect to mental health professionals with the Lifeline network.” Find More Here
What Do THEY know anyway?
Seriously now, what do ‘THEY’ know?
‘They’ are who tells you what you should feel. ‘They’ are the characters in your head that are controlling –
e v e r y t h i n g.
But wait a minute – THEY are YOU!!!!
YOU control THEY!
So if you control they, then you have the ability to tell ‘they’ what to do. You have the ability to control them.
It’s YOUR control tower.
THEY Know A Lot
They are more than what we have looked at.
In my example, ‘they’ locked out a few others.
What about love, care, trust, empathy, strength, resilience, determination, laughter, and joy.
They are there too.
When given the chance to come to the control tower, here is how ‘they’ showed up for me:
- Love: Look at this bee’YOUtiful light; here it is, let’s remove the blanket so it’s not so dark.
- Care: Be gentle. Let’s take a nice hot shower, a few deep breaths, a nice warm cup of tea.
- Trust: This being that I am is good, I know what to do.
- Empathy: Hey there fear, sadness, pity, it’s going to be ok. We’ve got you; we know what you are feeling.
- Strength: Hey guys! Look at me! I can shoulder the weight of all of you! I’ll hold you while we fix this, we will not crumble.
- Resilience: We will bounce back better than ever.
- Determination: This will get fixed. We will address this and do what needs to be done.
- Laughter: Look at all the ‘they’ that I have! A giggle at all they have been up to and all they have been doing in the control tower.
- Joy: I’m here too guys! Wow, let me grab a chair so I can be at the table with y’all.
Who else came into your control tower?
Who are ‘They’?
What are ‘They’ saying to you?
Grab a piece of paper and a pen. Write down who ‘they’ are and what ‘they’ are saying to you.
Appreciating All THEY Have To Offer
I love all of them, they are me, I love me. They are completely fascinating.
Now that we have everyone present, let’s appreciate each of them, hear what they have to say, and then we can move forward.
Time For A Committee Meeting
I love this so much! Order to the chaos.
What a great meeting!
‘They’ helped me to find courage, who wasn’t there before.
I did the hard work, faced all my committee members, and decided how I was moving forward.
Courage partnered with strength and we mended some fences. Along the way, happiness joined with laughter and giddy joined the festivities.
Somehow, the committee made me feel like I was floating a little bit lighter on my forward journey.
Let’s talk about you.
Call a committee meeting. Have a discussion, acknowledge your committee members; but pull them into control.
You are at the helm.
THEY + Journey of Self Discovery
Understanding how they are you, and you are they; how you control you and you control they; is an incredible tool on your journey of self discovery.
Think, for a moment, of all the possibilities!
How wonderful that you can call a committee meeting whenever you want to! They can help each other out!
Feeling scared? Where’s love, empathy and compassion? Get them up to the control tower with scared! Help scared out! Then call a meeting to figure out what had scared in a tizzy, and how the committee can work together.
Feeling angry? Call whoever you need up to the control tower to diffuse yourself. Or, maybe you need to tell angry that you see it, you acknowledge it, and for now it needs to go sit down somewhere and you’ll deal with it later; and then don’t forget to go tend to it.
THIS IS YOUR COMMITTEE!!
Taking Control Of Your Life
I want to lose weight.
Why do I want to lose weight?
I want to lose weight so I am healthier.
What does healthy mean to me? What are ‘they’ telling me healthy is?
‘They’ are telling me that healthy is not burdening my body with literally, weight. Healthy is reducing the inflammation in my body, becoming more fluid. Being more limber, able to pull up my knees to my chin and hug myself. Healthy is eating less gluten so my belly isn’t so upset, so I don’t have so much indigestion. It’s excellent blood pressure, heart rate, cholesterol, and annual check-ups.
‘They’ have a lot of thoughts about what healthy is!!!!
Keep in mind, this is what my committee thinks ‘healthy’ is for me. Your committee will have a different perspective.
So, how do I get healthy?
What do ‘they’ tell me healthy people do?
‘They’ tell me that healthy people go to hot yoga. Healthy people go for walks, ride bikes, eat a lot of vegetables and little gluten. ‘They’ tell me healthy people drink a lot of water and less caffeine. Healthy people don’t sit at their desk all day, they stretch and move and stand.
‘They’ have a lot of thoughts about what healthy will means.
Your committee will have their own perspective of what healthy means.
Your Turn
What is something that you wish to have in your life? What is one of your goals?
Maybe you want to be a lawyer, doctor, marine biologist, writer, artist, skinnier, heavier, etc.
Time to grab the paper and pen again!
Write down what ‘they’ are telling you about your goal.
What does it look like to achieve your goal?
Have What You Desire In Your Life
So you know what you want to be/do; you know what you wish to manifest in your life; and you know how it will show up for you.
You have defined it.
You have your committee, you know the members and you know who will try to shut it down and who will cheer it on. Be mindful of all the committee members. Hear what the doubter has to say, listen to the conqueror. As the leader, you control the forward movement.
Ready, Set, GO!
Be. Do. Have.
It’s time!
BE that which you want to be.
- I want to be healthier. BE that.
DO that which you need to do.
- Hot yoga, bike rides, walks, more vegetables, less gluten. DO that.
HAVE that which you wish to be.
- I Am Healthy. HAVE that.
Write down your Be. Do. Have.
My Committee Was Controlling Me
The members of your committee are very strong. After all, they have gotten you to this point in your life. ‘They’ know what is good for you and ‘they’ will try to control you; exactly how they always have.
It will be so incredibly important for you to be at the head of the table. Things are not how they always were. It’s a new day.
Let’s look at an example:
If I can just have the right support, and the right diet, I will finally lose weight and then I will be skinny.
I enrolled in a diet program for people who needed to lose weight. My support was other people struggling to lose weight. I surrounded myself with ‘like’ individuals sharing the same struggle. In my mind, I was fat and unhealthy. I joined a program for people that were fat an unhealthy. It wasn’t working. I did lose a little, and then gained more.
The thing is, it wasn’t the diet program’s fault, or the wonderful people that shared the journey of the program with me.
It was me. This program was not what my committee defined as ‘healthy’. My committee saw the program as designed for overweight people that were not healthy. It allowed me to stay, and be safe, where I was.
It’s like my example where I huddled under the blanket weighted with my own despair and loathing. I was willing to stay there. ‘They’ were willing to stay there. How was that going to serve me?
I saved me. I have the power to save me. I’m the only one that has the ability to change my circumstances.
To be healthy, I need to pull my committee together and BE healthy. DO what I need to DO to BE healthy; and when I do that, I will HAVE what I desire.
In what ways are you feeding into what you wish to change? How is your committee supporting you in the place you are? Who on your committee is keeping you in that place that you don’t want to be?
Call a committee meeting and discuss how you can change.
Taking Control of Your Life
I quit the diet program and I have not stepped on a scale; because neither of those define, for me, what healthy is.
My committee came up with a list of what healthy is. Now, mind you, the committee goes a little rogue sometimes and I give into indulgence and decadence from time to time; but for the most part; my committee is living into healthy.
I smile when I think of what I’m going to eat, and chuckle a little when I say I’m going to eat what healthy people eat. And so it is.
I went to hot yoga, and did not care one iota about what I looked like in those very tight, leave nothing to the imagination, clothes as I sweated my way through my breathing to the end of the class. After which, I was elated that I survived…. and will love to do it all over again.
Will I shed the pounds and have a fluid, limber, healthy body?
You know what, ‘they’ are telling me that I will and I believe them. We decided it will be; so be it!
Am I perfect? Yup. I am. Even if a cookie finds its way into my life, which it does and will, I’m perfect and I’m pursuing the life that healthy people live.
How will you change Your Life?
10 Soul-Searching Steps to Achieve the Best Version of Yourself
PLEASE SHARE YOUR STORY!!!
So many people read my blogs, I love you all SO MUCH!
Please share with me! I would honestly love to hear from you. Tell me your story, share your triumphs and struggles. We are in this together! I mean it when I say I learn from you, I love learning from you.
And I hope you learn something from me.
If you enjoyed this, do a girl a solid… like, share and follow for more.
* NEW POSTS EVERY THURSDAY *
